Happy Easter--Resurrection Sunday

AMAZING!!

I'M BACK!!!!

I'm struggling within myself. I'm a Christian but It so hard to overcome old habits. It like the small victories count but then when you slip up you take three steps back and your victories are stolen from you.I got issues with forgiveness too. My words are taken out of context many times and I've been accused of things that aren't true but sometimes you have to burn yourself in order to rebuild yourself.I feel like I have to burn everything down to the last grain in order for me to let myself feel again. When people hurt you it teaches you to keep them at a distance.You start to depend on yourself and God.I ask people for favors now but it's honestly because I either really don't have it in me to do it myself. I appreciate every person who does something for me and I always try not to forget em'.Like when my friend gives me a ride to a store or to get somethings I need. I love those people I give everything for them. I bury all these things within myself,I don't forget though. It's not because I don't want to forget,I wish I could. If money meant or amounted to anything to him, I would pay God to take away some of these painful memories I have floating around in my brain. Things that I may never forget, I have to see people who I'd rather not see almost everyday. It's a issue that will never be reopened simply because on the plus side I refuse go back. I may reflect on it but I'll never let it happen to me again. I will never let anybody use me or allow myself to be dependent on anyone that way ever again. I'll sit by myself and feel awkward in a room full of people,I'll be the only disagreeing person in a room full of followers. I'll walk alone, no one takes me seriously most of the time anyways so I'll just wait and pray that God makes me victorious. I don't know where I'm going but God brought me this far and unless he says otherwise I'm taking this opportunity and running with it until I reach a destination. I have something that kills me where I am...working at McDonald's for the rest of my life. If I continue it'll be the slow death of my body,wasting away until there's nothing but heartbreak of what could have been and irritating physical pain left.