Ironic

Isn't it Ironic that the friend who has put me through the most and that I've given the most for is the one who left me with nothing at all?
Isn't it ironic that the girl who tells me I know nothing about loyalty is the one whose never there when I need her?
Isn't it ironic that the girl with the pretty face and the big ol' but is the one who is so afraid that someone is after her man?
isn't it ironic how he's not her man until a friend expresses interest in him?
Isn't it ironic that I would spend 25 dollars on a ticket for a concert that I wasn't even bothered about going to for her and then not go because of her being there?
Isn't it ironic how she assumes everything without knowing anything at all?
Isn't it ironic how the prettiest girls are the ones who are the most insecure?
Isn't it ironic that this friendship between two women has felt more like love and war than just a friendship?
Isn't it ironic that the friend who you would die for is the one who swears up and down that your out to get her?
Isn't that ironic.......Ah!!! the Irony of life
Isn't it ironic how your emotions control you and you over look actions and only pay attention to words?
Isn't it ironic that you ask for honesty and when it's given you TOTALLY overlook it......Isn't it ironic?........Hmmmm

Lesson Learned pt 1

Is the issues unsolvable is this how it ends? we walk pass each other as if we were never friends? I am over my pride I am over my hurt but that doesn't even matter because either way this can't work.I will not try to be Mrs.Fixit this time.No,this time I am holding on to me.I seem to have a problem of keeping others because I love them never realizing how much they weaken me. I never put myself to the test,this is the first time in my life I've ever really been all alone like this and been at peace with it.It's come to the first time in my life where having only Christ and myself is really more than enough.I don't worry about getting along with people anymore they come and go because not all friendships are meant to last forever,sometimes people enter your life to teach you lessons and after you learn those lessons often times SOMETHING comes to rip you away from that person because you no longer need them.However,sometimes not even the seasons of life are to blame sometimes our lack of consideration or issues with one person stops us from being with people who have cared for us the most..We ruin friendships over stuff that won't even matter,that we won't even be remembered five years later.I can't change the past but pray I learned from it in preparation for the future.She seems happy,I'm happy for her just sad that we fell apart.It's okay,I forgive and move on just hope the eyes reading this avoid making the same mistake.Cherish the people while you have a chance.

Why so much division?

In class earlier today we discuss the term "mulatto" and whether or not it is a racial slur.My answer is yes it is a slur and I find it very disrespectful.I see no need for this term to even be in existence I feel that it should simply be biracial or mixed.Why must we always find a way to insult each other? If we spent as much time helping and healing each other as we do trying to find the negatives in each other or someway to persecute each other we wouldn't have half the problems we have and the world would be a better place.All of this prejudice and judgement,how soon we all forget that we are ALL human beings.We need more love and less division the same can be said of the Christian church.The world looks at us and laughs because we have all these denominations.....what's the point of dividing them if you need them all?!!!!! you need to be an APOSTLE and tell people about the love of Christ...you need to remember the PENTECOST and the promise of the Holy Spirit.....you need to be BAPTIZED and reborn of the water and the spirit.....You need a METHOD by which to carry these things out...GEESH!!!! IF YOU NEED IT ALL ANYWAYS WHY THE DIVISION? Men and women can accomplish the same goals if driven enough.....it's not about gender it's about DETERMINATION how bad do you want it? If you can push yourself it's yours!!! The division I see amongst people only confirms what I already know...........................................................The Lord is soon to come!!!!!

Looking from the other side:What it might feel like for a guy

I'm listening to some old R&B songs from a male point of view such as Dru Hill,Profyle,and a few others.We as women often are unfair to men,I think we exaggerate us being cheated on,women often have the same form as far as our vaginal areas,a man cheats because he finds the other woman attractive and wants something different most of the time.Women may start off pursuing another man out of curiosity but if it continues it means she is displeased.I feel this makes a man feel weak and incapable of pleasing his woman. This can do a lot of damage to his self-esteem,pride,and dignity.NOT SAYING THAT THE SAME COULD NOT BE DONE TO A WOMAN!!!!! but it's different for a man...maybe I'm the only one who thinks so but it just seems worse from a male perspective,I guess it's because they are the ones who create life.A woman can HAVE a child but it is the male sperm MIXED with her egg that creates another life form.Without the sperm of the male it makes no difference if she has a thousand eggs,they'll never fertilize.So when a man is cheated on it's like telling him he's not man enough,it's like telling him he can't get it up,his soldiers don't march,You might as well call him sterile.......YALL GET THE PICTURE!!!!!! Women feel betrayed it's not about sex for us,it's like your saying you don't love us and please don't ask for a divorce......LORD HAVE MERCY!!!!!! Women love sooooo HARD when you ask for a divorce it's like your slapping us in the face and ignoring all the time we've put in but when/if a man loses a good woman he WILL regret it til it kills him!!!! (Ex:John Legend--This Time,Trey Songz-Love Lost,Sisqo--Incomplete,Tyrese--I do love you) It just goes to show you it's not always about testosterone,sometimes a man NEEDS to show his vulnerabilities in order for a woman to understand him.Instead they bottle so much inside and in the end it does sooooo much more harm than good.So I encourage all men please share your feelings,don't try and hold everything in let it out,you'll probably be glad you did.

Dreamer's Pondering

I have tried to rationalize myself in my own human mind.I have tried to understand the things that I do.
When I ponder on these things it leaves my mind in a state of utter self-hatred and disgust.Disgust at the things that are human within me,the things that I allow to dictate my actions even when I know there wrong.I try to do the right things and as I attempt to do this I find that I am always pit against myself,my flesh pit against my spirit.My learned, elevated correctness against the vengeance and instinctual responses in my very nature. I sit back and wonder why it it that I must always attempt to put space between me and the people I love the most.I think I love too hard.I've never had a long-lasting relationship in my life (one year is about as far as I've reached and even that is questionable) yet I can see into others relationships and tell them everything that is wrong with it.I just don't understand maybe I'm suppose to make it on my own maybe I'm suppose to create love and cause love but never partake in it's sweet taste. Maybe it is the one joy of life that is denied to me.I'm still trying to find a place in this world,still trying to see if I belong if I have any business being here or if I'm just a poor soul that God allowed to see the world and rationalize all it's stupor and ignorance.I'm 19 years old!!! I can't drive,I can't keep friends cause I bottle my emotions and then cut ppl off without word late,I'm a Sophomore in college,I still don't know what it is I'm gonna do with my major,I don't know if I want to continue to write(type in this case) or if I want to talk on the radio.The other alternative is so preposterous that I won't even dare speak of it.I can't even tell my own mother,I've got a plan now let's see if it works.I feel God gave me this plan for a reason I have no idea if he's just trying to teach me a lesson,be funny,or if he is just allowing me to answer another one of my ridiculous what if questions,if you're interested to find out stay tuned....

SAVING CAROLINE--FUTURE DREAM

YOUNG BLACK WOMAN HERE IN DA 'BURG TRYNA CHASE MY DREAMS BUT SUMTIMES CHASIN' EM' IS WAY HARDER THAN IT SEEMS.MY MIND STATE ,FAMILY,COMMUNITY I WANNA SAVE. IF I DON'T MAKE A CHANGE, TO POVERTY WE'LL ALL BE A SLAVE. I CAN'T LET IT HAPPEN, NOT WITHOUT A HARD FIGHT,SAVING MY GROWING PLACE IS HALF OF WHAT I'M TRYNA DO WIT MY LIFE.I'M TRYNA MAKE A CHANGE, I DON'T WANT IT TO BE THE SAME.IF I DON'T, SUMBODY PLEASE SAVE CAROLINE.

I WONDER WHAT'LL HAPPEN TO THESE YOUNG BLACK CONFUSED BOYS DA ONES DAT DON'T KNOW U DON'T NEED A GUN TO MAKE NOISE.YOU CAN BE A PREACHER,A TEACHER,A EDUCATOR.YOU CAN BE AN APOSTLE,IT'S COLOSSAL,A LIFE CHANGER.YOU CAN SPEAK BLESSINGS ON OTHERS NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO. DON'T LET THE WEED SEED BE THE ONLY SEED YOU LET GROW.I'MA NEED YALL TO LET YOUR SPIRITUAL SELVES GROW,I'MA NEED YALL TO HELP SAVE CAROLINE

SICK AND TIRED OF US DOIN' THANGS DA SAME WAY,WE ALL STEADY COMPLAIN BUT YET NOBODY MAKE A  CHANGE.I HOPE THAT I CAN DO IT,MY HEART IS INTO.I'M PUSHIN' WIT ALL MY MIGHT BUT I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN GET TO IT.TO WHAT LAUREN? TO THE GOLDEN BAR, THE ONE THAT'LL TAKE NEAR AND FAR.I'M PRESSIN' EVERYDAY,I'M TRYNA FIND AWAY.JESUS,PLEASE HELP ME SAVE CAROLINE.

THIS VALLEY OF DRY BONES BARELY THERE WITH LITTLE LIFE,THIS PLACE WHERE I OVERCAME MISERY AND SO MUCH STRIFE.THIS PLACE IN WHICH I HOPE TO SAVE A LIFE.THIS PLACE THAT WE CALL CAROLINE.CAROLINE IS STILL A QUEEN THOUGH FAR FROM ROYAL SHE SEEMS IN MY DREAMS I SEE A NEW CAROLINE.DREAMIN' MIGHT BE ENOUGH,I'LL STICK IT OUT THOUGH IT'S TOUGH,IF I DO DON'T MESS IT UP,BUT I CAN'T I'M NOT ENOUGH, BY MYSELF TO SAVE CAROLINE.JESUS,I GIVE YOU MY HAND CUZ I KNOW YOU ARE NOT LIKE MAN, I KNOW YOU UNDERSTAND, WHY IT IS I'M TRYNA SAVE CAROLINE.I SEE HOPE IN OUR YOUTH, IF THEY COULD ONLY SEE THE TRUTH.THEY'D OVERCOME IF THEY TRUSTED YOU,THROUGH THEM I KNOW YOU CAN SAVE CAROLINE.

I HOPE I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE,BUT I'LL WORK TIL THE JOB IS DONE.I WILL NEVER GIVE UP TRYNA SAVE CAROLINE.JESUS,HELP ME WIN THIS FIGHT BE MY GUIDE,BE MY LIGHT,PLEASE SHOW ME HOW TO SAVE CAROLINE.WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO KNOCK ME DOWN HELP ME KEEP GOIN' ANYHOW,GIVE ME ALL I NEED TO SAVE CAROLINE.WHEN IT'S ALL DONE AND MY TIME HAS COME, I'LL BE GLAD TO SAY I WAS ONE OF THE ONES YOU USED TO SAVE CAROLINE.IF IT'S NOT MEANT TO BE,IF IT ISN'T ME,THAN PLEASE LET THE EYES THAT SEE THIS CHOOSE TO SAVE CAROLINE.